right now i'm scared, not afraid. scared that i'm in too far, because people don't give up easy.
i'm not worth the battle in reality.
and what am i when compared to any, alone and disconnected it doesn't matter. i am just another no one.
november 5th either means nothing, or something and the something never means nothing.
i would never let you go, but you would let me go...
I woke up to the alarm today, which was a change of pace. Usually I am awake when it starts blaring the most annoying sound that any human being would instantly open there eyes with frustration and anger toward... well most anyone anyway. The night had been long and frustrating from missing my heart, the spiritual brothers I live with and the college life of drama queens and attention friends. It's been a struggle returning back to this college as my past speaks of who I was, not who I am striving to be. I wasn't necessarily a bad person, but I had my faults and mistakes and wrong friends.
Last night hurt the most, more than ever before. Maybe its because that year of my life was the most scaring. I'm trying to really mend everything together and live this life I was given to the fullest being a constant beacon of light and love, but God doesn't say you are forgiven and there will be no consequences, thus where I am. You know that if I didn't return back I would not be having this pain and regret and memory? However this is where God wants me, He gave me a second chance to finish what I need to do His will.
I hate getting lost in the translation sometimes. Everything is always coated and stretched, everyone has ulterior motives with selfish pride and angst. That doesn't exempt me though...
I can only do one thing. Cry out to my God for mercy and grace, peace and purity as I will push on to conquer what I need and have to learn here while in school.
The story of my life isn't what I have been through, it's how I strive to work through everything for the power and will of Christ.
To my friends who read this, I encourage you to constantly love and encourage each other. Grasp onto those who are spiritually cultivating and leading. Grow and bond persevering through hardships and sins to step up and be that man or woman of God.
I can only pray that my hearts cry can help encourage whoever reads this and that we can rise up in a time of need and love the world we live in, but are not of.
Blessings and peace friends.
- Matt
she said she cared, thats all i needed to know.
my heart is doing backflips.
I caught the words from across the room
when you said you felt alone
Oh what I would give to tell you otherwise.
bold doesn't mean take the high road, it means take the road no one else wants to take.
sad life curves the opposite way sometimes, just when the world is lost in time you make up your mind.
bold means vulnerable, vulnerable means honest, honest means trust, trust means nothing anymore.
i remember this feeling, but i'm not sure i want it. all of it comes crashing down, choose! choose! pick, here, what are you doing!? i don't want that feeling again, and if i do i want it to be the right one. whens the time to speak? whens the time to understand? why did you stop looking at me?? it hurts, more than i remembered.
the nights are sometimes the worst time to be caught alone.
I tried to find the alley escape, but one door lead to another, attached to a maze where we got lost. And in time we learned to sit and talk, look deep into the other. We would laugh and cry, push and pull our way until someone got out alive.
Garbage cans and lined brute dirt, made the perfect time for questions. I won't push what my heart says, I'd rather just listen and see. Yes, I want to know all those deep secrets you hold, the ones that you are scared for the world to see.
When the fires come down and Heaven's trumpet sound, then maybe we will find our way out. I will be here by your side, don't ever think I will go. It takes a love of more than yourself, someday maybe this you will know.
